Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
