could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
