tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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