That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize