I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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