I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
