I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
