I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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