I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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