By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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