he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize