He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
