Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize