so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
