whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
