I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
