Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
