I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
