I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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