does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
