By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
