I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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