Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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