the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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