It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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