At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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