dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I didn't notice because vodka
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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