Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
