I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
