Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
