yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
