I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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