A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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