she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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