How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize