bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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