i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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