apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
