In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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