Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
