we're blogging at a bar
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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