but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
