I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize