i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
