Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
