There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
