guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Randomize
