It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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