brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
