I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I am spending my child support on dildos
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
