my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
