Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
