I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
