Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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