69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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