you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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