I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
