I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
