it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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