i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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