Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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