I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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