I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
