I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
only you would photoshop your dick
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
