Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize