it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
