So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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