I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
this just has baby written all over it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
