he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
