if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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