Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
