I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
