Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
