Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
