if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
